Daddy Magic: Leave the Tantrum

So let's get into some more specifics about the tantrum. We established that discipline is necessary. If you're in the room and you can hear or feel the tantrum, then the tantrum is a success. You have to make it a failure to get it to stop.

For me, a tantrum means, "I want to go to bed." So I usually start there. "You're crying. Are you ready to go to bed?" She says, "No." "Oh, but you're still crying. Let's go to bed. If you stop crying then you won't have to go to bed." If she stops. That's good. If she doesn't, she goes to bed. She always stops. She never has to go to bed. Sure, she had to learn it, but it didn't take long.

There are two times where that won't work. First, it's not going to work if you're driving somewhere. That's why she goes in the car before anything else. I put her in the car, and then she throws a tantrum (she doesn't like to be strapped in). First, I try distractions, by getting her to help me (more on that later). If that doesn't work, that's fine. I leave her in the car to scream while I get the rest of the stuff and keep packing the car. We can't hear her. It's futile, so it usually only lasts a few seconds. Why scream your head off if you have no audience?

How about when you're at the store? Try distractions. If it doesn't work, go for discipline, which, unfortunately, might mean it's time for you to leave the store. However, there are forms of discipline you can use in the store as well. More on that later.

The other time it won't work is if she can climb out of bed, open the door, and walk out of the room. We put discipline on that too, so she doesn't do that. However, if you haven't taught your toddler to stay in the room (and toddler-proofed it) then you're going to need to bite the bullet and put that baby proof door handle on the inside. Lock your kid in. If she can escape, she won't be miserable. She needs to learn that a tantrum will steadily make life miserable for the rest of her life. The sooner she stops, the sooner her misery stops.

Sure, you can still hear the tantrum if you leave him in the room (that way you know if the scream is from pain or something else). But it should be faint so that it doesn't bother you. Too loud? Turn on the radio so it's not loud. Go to another room. Allow yourself to hear it faint enough so that you can monitor it without it bothering you.

You don't care. The tantrum not going to last because you don't care. When the child stops, give it a few minutes and then reward him by letting him out, hugging him, and telling him why he had a time out.

It's said you should always love your child and explain to your child after the discipline is done. That's when they're paying attention.

Leaving a tantrum behind so that it doesn't affect you? Now that's Daddy Magic!



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Daddy Magic: The Anatomy of the Tantrum

This one is devoted to Queen Bug.

I have a two-year old as well. Tantrums come with the age. The trick is to minimize them, shorten them, and make sure they don't last.

We use thousands of tactics to do this, but the best learned lesson is to understand why the tantrum exists.

We vote for a president because we see it being tallied on our TVs. We want to do what we can to put the right person in office. Likewise, we put together a resume, portfolio, and interview because we want the job. If we knew that we wouldn't get the job and that the interview would do no good, we wouldn't take the interview.

Why would you ever try to do something if it was futile? We wouldn't. Sure, we might start doing it, but as soon as we remember and realize that it's pointless, we'd stop.

That's it. That's the secret.

You have to convince your toddler that their tantrum is futile. The only reason why you do anything is because you know that it works. That's the tantrum. The child knows that throwing a tantrum will yield results.

So that's the first step. You need to figure out what you're giving the child. You might just let the child scream until he is done. I have some relatives who did that. It wasn't really helping much. One time, the child was screaming when a police officer walked up and told the child to stop and to respect the parent. The child went silent. A stranger acting on authority was discipline to that child. That's not the attention the child wanted.

My child screams when we put her in the car. She doesn't want to be there. Sometimes I'll take something away from her or take her out of the room. She throws a tantrum.

I immediately discipline her and distract her. It doesn't take long for her to stop. Why?

Because we have a history. Her life is going to steadily get worse until she stops. If she doesn't stop, she's going to be stuck in bed for the rest of her life with periodic spankings and no one anywhere near her to even know that she's screaming. It sounds like torture, and it is. That's why it never has to happen. =^)

The moment you look at your child in a tantrum when you are not engaging in discipline you just gave in to your child's tantrum. The moment that you stay in the ear shot of your child and he knows you can hear him or feel his tantrum if he's flailing at you, your child's tantrum is succeeding. He may not only want his way. He may just settle for making your life miserable with noises and physical actions. That's fine by him. If you allow that, then you are telling him that tantrums are okay.

The only way to stop a tantrum is to constantly take steps to making his life worse. It's discipline. It won't take him long to learn. When he learns that he has nothing to gain and everything to lose, he'll begin to pull back.

That's the essence of the tantrum. That's how it works. You have to be more stubborn than your child if you want him to learn.

Now that's Daddy Magic.


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Daddy Magic: How to get your baby used to the Swaddle

How do you get your baby used to the swaddle?

This is my third post that is ONLY on the swaddle!!!

Why three? I'll tell you why! I keep coming across people who throw their hands up in the air and say, "Our baby doesn't like the swaddle!"

Of course not! Teach him to like it!

Click here to learn why you should do it:

http://daddymagic.blogspot.com/2007/01/daddy-magic-get-your-baby-used-to.html



Here's how to get her used to the swaddle:

(1) Hold your baby tight to you.

(2) Make sure the swaddle is tight!

(3) Use two blankets if you need to.

(4) Use larger blankets if you need to.

(5) Pump the pacifier in her mouth.

(6) Hold her sideways.

(7) Bounce her. Use your full body motion from your toes to your ankles to your knees to your hips to your spine to your elbows to your wrists.

(8) Run with her if you have to.


Bottom line: Get her used to the swaddle! Read the link above to learn why you should do this. Embrace the Daddy Magic.





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Baby Magic: Get Your Baby to Eat

Get your baby to eat!!!

Your baby will probably be drinking from a bottle, but he may be nursing.

I realized that I need to write this one when I saw someone throw their hands up in frustration. The baby was having a fit. She was so upset, that she wouldn't eat, even though she was upset because she was hungry!

Think about it! She was so hungry, that she was too upset to eat! Imagine that!

Well, that is pretty common.


Here's what to do:

(1) Hold him tight. Give him that important stability. It will help calm him down.

(2) Bounce with him. Walk him around. Make him feel like he's on a bungy cord, but he's still tight in your arms. Run with him if you have to.

(3) Put the bottle in his mouth. Hold it there until he recognizes that he has access to his food.

(4) Pump the bottle in his mouth: in and out until he grabs on and starts sucking.


Using this method, I got the baby to start eating in less than 20 seconds, when her mother had just spent several minutes.

This works. This is Daddy Magic!





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Daddy Magic: Use Time-Outs for Tantrums

Some parents are willing to do a little discipline with time-outs. I've heard of parents who limit their time-outs to a few minutes.

Limit your time-out to when your child calms down. If that happens in one minute, then great! What do you do when your child has been screaming for two hours? Simple, he falls asleep. You don't do anything.

Also, please note, this doesn't really happen. It may possibly happen once. I've never seen it. Your child stops, and he learns for next time. But if you go in, then you're teaching him that all he has to do is scream for five minutes, and you'll go in. If you aren't teaching him that, then he won't learn it.

The best problem to use time outs for is for fits. It teaches your child that if he throws a fit, he goes to his room until he calms down. I don't recommend it for anything else, because he won't be able to associate it. For example, if he throws his food on the ground and you discipline him by sending him in his room for a time-out, then he won't know why he got sent to his room. However, if you slap his hand and then comfort him, he will learn the lesson VERY quickly.

I've heard of people sending a child to a corner or to sit on a chair for a time-out. Depending on the child, this can be a reward. Instead, remove the child from human contact.

Time-outs can be pure magic. Daddy Magic.




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Daddy Magic: Let people hold your baby!!!

What??? Are you crazy??? Let people hold your baby!!!

You think you're being protective, but do you know what you're doing to your child??? Everything you do is teaching your child something. By going around and always holding your child, not ever leaving your baby, and not letting other people hold your baby, you are teaching your baby one thing:

He is not safe in anyone else's arms and in anyone else's care.



That's right! You're teaching that to your baby!!!!

Do you know what that means? That means that you cannot have someone else watch your child. Your child will throw fits because the baby sitter isn't you. What if you have to go to the bathroom? You can't hand the baby to a friend. The baby trusts no one except for you! What about the other spouse? Is your spouse going to watch your baby sometime? It's not possible if the baby isn't used to it!


This is what happens when you are the only one who holds your baby:

1. The baby throws more tantrums because you can't always hold him.
2. The baby becomes a toddler who still throws tantrums.
3. The baby doesn't feel comfortable with your spouse.
4. The baby won't sleep as well unless you are holding him. He won't put himself to sleep.
5. You will have to wake up constantly or sleep with your baby in your bed. Either one will be bad for your marriage relationship and sex life.
6. You can't get away from your baby. You can't go out with your friends, go on a date with your spouse, or do anything, really.
7. Your baby won't trust people. He will throw tantrums in public places. Not good.
8. People think you are being a little uptight. Well, guess what? They are right. You are.


What to do:

1. This is hard to do (to trust others with something so precious), so do it from day 2 or 3. When visitors come to the hospital, let some of them (especially the ladies) Purell their hands and hold your newborn.
2. When you get to church, let a few people Purell their hands and hold your newborn.
3. When visitors or family comes over, let them Purell their hands and hold your newborn.
4. Let female trusted family members or female trusted friends watch your infant while you go out.


What this does:

1. Your baby will trust people. You are helping shape her personality.
2. Your baby will be interested in people. You are helping shape her personality.
3. Your baby will be comfortable around people.
4. Your baby will smile at people.
5. Your baby will be friendly to people.
6. Your baby will learn how to share much easier.
7. Your baby will not be as violent to other children.
8. Your baby will learn social skills much sooner.


These are all good things! These are Daddy Magic!




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Daddy Magic: Smile for your baby!!!

Smile for your baby!

Who is the happiest baby in the room? Well, she's the one who is smiling and always in a good mood. How does that happen?

Well, have been smiling with your baby?

How do children learn anything? You do it with them and slowly teach them. It's the same thing with smiling.

It's simple, just smile with your baby. Smile all day with your baby. Smile for hours. Smile until your face falls off. Okay, those are exaggerations. Don't smile that much.

But you should smile so much that it hurts. You should smile every chance you get for extended periods of time. You should sacrifice your time and comfort to teach your baby one important thing:

How to smile

If you can teach your baby that, then you'll notice that your baby smiles more. A baby who smiles more, doesn't throw tantrums as often. A baby who smiles more is pleasant to be around. A baby who smiles more is the happiest baby in the room. She loves people. She trusts people.

Should your baby trust people? YES. More on that in another blog. This one is ONLY about smiling.

Play with your baby. Do a very slow version of peekaboo. Tickle him under his chin. Make soft sounds and sing. Whatever you do, always smile! Grin ear to ear whenever your face is in front of his face. He will learn how to smile.

Another thing will happen too. He will know that you love him. It is very important to teach your child how much you love him, and this is a wonderful way to do it.

Loving your baby is purely Daddy Magic.




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Daddy Magic: Run with your baby

How do you get a baby to calm down instantly? Simple! Run with your baby!

That's right! This is even more effective if you are using the swaddle, side, and suck technique. Shh helps some too, but not as much.

Run with your baby!

It's simple. Your baby is going to fall asleep when you're on the freeway. But the moment you stop at a traffic jam or stop for gas, what do you get? Crying!

Apply that lesson to your home!

If you are using too much up and down motion, then you'll notice that your baby is getting tense. His whole body will tense up, he'll bring his knees up, and his face will get tense. So, stop immediately when that happens!

However, you can hold your baby tightly and take off running down the hall. Instantly quiet baby! Do a few runs down the hall.

It will also give you some exercise. Use this method to calm down your baby, infant, or toddler. Your baby or infant will get closer to sleeping after a few runs.

This is pure magic. Daddy magic.




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Daddy Magic: Get your baby used to the Swaddle

I was with my wife this week and she asked a friend if she swaddled her baby. The response was that her baby doesn't like being swaddled.

News flash: YOUR BABY WILL NOT LIKE BEING SWADDLED!!!

You have to understand. Your baby will not like most all things written here in Daddy Magic. You've got to get your baby used to these things, which means causing discomfort to your baby.

Then why do it?


Keep your eyes on the prize:

(1) Happier baby (a baby who is content)

(2) Baby who sleeps through the night

(3) Healthier baby (a baby who sleeps longer is healthier)

(4) Healthier and happier mom (a mom who sleeps through the night)

(5) Better marriage (otherwise you'll be sleeping with the baby, no sex, no talking to your spouse in bed)




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Daddy Magic: Sway - How to Gently Bounce your Baby to Sleep

The Second S of the 5 S's (Swaddle, Sway, Shh, Side, Suck) is Sway.

(The 5 S's are from The Happiest Baby on the Block. But these specifics are pure Daddy Magic...)

The act of "Sway" is gently bouncing your child to calm him down and lull him to sleep (or to just calm him down).

You can do this if he is in a baby carrier by rocking the carrier with your foot, by lifting the carrier up and lowering it back down (up and down), or by gently swinging the carrier back and forth.

You can do this in a shopping cart or stroller by pushing the cart, stroller, or baby carriage away from you and then pulling it back toward you (back and forth). This will help when walking or shopping.

And, when you are lulling your baby to sleep, you'll want to walk around (or stand) and bounce the baby on several levels of your body.

(1) You'll be bouncing off your heels. You'll roll upward to your toes. This creates a bouncing motion.

(2) Bend your legs to get more of a soft bounce as you move your body up and down.

(3) Lift your arms up and down as well. Let them act as a shock absorber to your body bouncing.


The end result is that your body movements will feel like a bungie cord (without the bungie drop). Your movements are fluid and relaxing. This will remind your infant of being in the womb where he was in fluid and body tissues that softened your harsh movements.

After doing this for awhile, if your baby is still not asleep, he will probably be calm enough where you can sit down. You can sit down in a rocker and use the rocker movements and your arm movements to lull your baby to sleep. Or you can sit on a bed or couch, lightly bounce your body on your seat, and bounce your arms. Eventually he will fall asleep.

Not only is this a great exercise for getting your baby to nap and go to sleep at night, but this is also good for calming your baby down from tantrums where you are only trying to get him to stop screaming. This can also be used to calm toddlers who are having tantrums.

If your toddler is having a tantrum, pick her up and console her! Don't let her cry in public! You are telling her that behavior is okay, and you're being rude to those around you! I had to do this the other day with an eating baby in my other arm (so the bottle was wedged under my neck). And I still picked up my toddler, bounced her, and calmed her down. So do it!!! Thanks. =^)



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Daddy Magic: How to Swaddle Your Baby

Swaddle - This is the most important one of the 5 S's.

You lay two blankets on the ground, on top of each other. Usually the larger blanket is under the smaller one. Both have to be bigger than the baby, but not too big.

Place your baby on the top blanket, so her head is at one of the points. Wrap one side of the top blanket over her, with that arm against her side. You wrap the blanket around her and under her on the other side.

Then you grab the bottom point of the blanket and pull that upward and on her other side. That will keep her feet in.

Next you pull the last side over her, trapping her other arm against her side. The flap goes over the other side, keeping that fold tighter. You wrap the flap under her. Basically, you just made a baby burrito. =^)

Do the same thing with the other blanket, still under her. Her arms will already be trapped under the first blanket. She will now be warm and secure.

Basically, you are recreating the environment of her mom's tummy (minus the sticky goo). She'll be reminded of that, comfortable, warm, and much more likely to fall asleep.

This will also help calm down your baby if he or she is throwing a tantrum.

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The 5 S's - How to get a baby to sleep and be happy

I don't know if you've seen the Happiest Baby on the Block material (we watched the DVD), but it includes the 5 S's:

1. Swaddle
2. Sway (Bounce)
3. Shh
4. Side
5. Suck

Using these five techniques, you'll be able to get your baby to be happy and to fall asleep. What are the techniques? I'll write about each technique individually.

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